don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
