Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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