Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
