When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
