I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Randomize