ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
