Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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