He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
handjob tips. give me some.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
