This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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