I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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