I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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