its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
