The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
