it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
