The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
