keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
