Umm I'm too high to move.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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