Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
