i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
