I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
