You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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