You're my little dorito
I didn't shave. On purpose
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
the day after is always just damage control
No I am not eating basil off your cock
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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