I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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