I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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