Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
