I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
