On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
someone get that fucking seahorse.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
