Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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