As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Vodka?
Forever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
