I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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