In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I would fuck him just for his dog
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
