that's an acceptable place to lick
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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