It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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