You work out of a Hotel?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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