im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
