You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
