i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
