Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize