You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
