dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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