Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
