Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
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