did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
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