I think im going to throw up on grandma
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
