never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
