Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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