I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
