I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
