wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
