Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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