is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
we should paint friendship bongs
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
