Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
