Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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