I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
