my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
