hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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