So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
