A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
