It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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