We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
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