i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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