i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
