pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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