census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
